How do we find meaning in life, with a mind-cluttered by negativity?
March 2021: Deep level Self-Mastery involves more than a pep-talk and soft skills.
How do you find meaning in life, in a world-mind cluttered with negativity?
The “Meaning of Life”, is often associated with Spiritual Growth and Consciousness, but is also closely related to an inner awareness of who you are, and your expressed Identity. Now who we are is also closely connected with that sense of belonging, purpose, and your portrayal of a meaningful existence. We can also look at the question about meaning differently, and ask how you create your reality. So, what kind of stimulus influences your awareness of whom, or what you think you are? In terms of your personal growth, we may ask what you associate with, or identify with, and can we use this as framework to define your reality? This is a very important question, because the way we identify with things, whether thoughts, emotions or physical stuff, and the way you describe its meaning to yourself to make sense of life, gives it the power to transform your life. That meaning, with whatever you associate, or dissociate from, creates stories in the mind commonly referred to as thoughts. And it is these thought forms that determine the preoccupation of our awareness, because we give it so much attention. And then we struggle with the consequent feeling states that arise, not the other way around. Now we may ask, what has spiritual and inner awareness to do with my thoughts? Again, it is a matter of what you pay attention to that stimulates the direction of your life and attitude of mind. And how thought relates to your experience and perception of yourself, determine who you are, and your identity. Trying to figure-out this dilemma for meaning to man’s existence, often leads us astray from our spiritual sense of connectedness, into rather associating with the reasoning mind. Indeed, within the human experience, it is bad enough to find an explanation, or reason for evil, and obtaining better mechanisms to cope with difficulties are challenging enough, never mind defining who you are? And soon we get lost in thought, the negative images that forms in the mind reflect our self-created interpretation of experiences in life, which becomes a new reality. In our discussion today, we will reason with thoughts, observe the futility of the mind, and give you pointers about how you can overthrow the inner turmoil to find peace of mind, and to live the truth of who you are in a meaningful way.
Why do we search for the meaning of life?
Is it maybe because we are afraid of death, and want to make sure the struggles we face in life are worth the effort to survive. According to Metz (2020, 113), Indigenous African views don’t see survival as motivation for existence, but rather emphasize building community with other humans as a force of significance, and enjoyment of life, health and vitality, instead of a preoccupation with progress and accumulation of wealth. There is hardly any inspirational blogs and articles on positive psychology that is not devoted to aspired living, or finding your purpose in life. It is also important to draw a distinction between the meaning of life (a philosophical view), and e.g. finding your purpose in life (personal reality). Many also attribute the value, or significance of their lives upon the external favour, or prosperity which they gain, hence their lives therefore having purpose. The fatalistic consequence of this thinking is then obviously if your life is not prosperous, then it has no purpose, and you are therefore insignificant. It is this defeatist mind-set that gives rise to a non-caring attitude that some has towards life, and the misbehaviour evident among certain radical groups. Activists, for example, can venture into extreme conduct to substantiate an ideology, because belonging to such a group provides them with a sense of value and purpose. Gangsters will also protect their drug lords to death, and religious martyrs will die at the stake to protect their group beliefs, or identity. It is also evident how many engage in destructive habits and behaviours when they wrestle to feel, or perceive a sense of value in their lives. Often people choose to associate with some extremist position to substantiate them feeling denied or rejected, and avoid confronting the pain of their own thoughts by living as an outcast, or black sheep of the family. In some respect, we all need to ask ourselves what, or who do we identify with, that adds to the description of what is important for you, to give meaning to life? It is these value points and ideologies we use as point of reference that creates your sense of reality, or state of consciousness. And when we struggle with low self-esteem, depression, and having a lack of purpose in life, it might be time to carefully look at those thoughts, and values that you hang-out with and ask whether it is worth the pain you currently endure?
The inattentive way of life.
Characteristically, the choices we make in life, whether unconscious, or conscious, has much to do with the way we interact with ourselves. Psychologists determine that the inattentive bias of our thinking is negatively inclined, and that 80% of the repetitive thoughts are copied from interaction with our primary caretakers (Hanson, 2013). According to Rozin & Royzman (2001), the environment that is created in our minds influences us to selectively pay attention to the 12,000 to 60,000 negative thoughts that resides in our minds daily. It is no wonder that a negative bias, or negative attitudes in life are seriously destructive to your health and work productivity. To counteract the sharp criticism of the egoic mind that constantly reminds them of how inadequate they are, many engage in charitable activities, and acts of kindness towards those they despise, for the sake of peace of mind. But in avoiding, the sharp judgement when contradictory interests and desires not supporting your identity, or group beliefs and traditions, we not only misalign ourselves with our true character, we also avoid being labelled as a misfit, or out-sider. This kind of activity drains your energy, and is outright exasperating on mental wellness (Kindermann, et al; 2013). For soon you realize that the pretentious life you live is not enjoyable, and by the time your own children start asking questions on the meaning of life, you have missed the opportunity to “Live your Truth”, instead of someone else’s.
Now obviously truth is relevant and can evolve, but if you never question your own thinking mind, or rather start observing the endless conversations that constantly compare yourself, neither would you be able to reflect on the value and purpose of those thoughts that give rise to your actions. The principle of spiritual growth and consciousness training revolves around the evaluation of such conditioned thoughts and automatic scripts, which have a subconscious subliminal effect and control on your life (Hanson, 2008). And then others will opt to look for conspiracy theories and secret societies that control the fate of humanity, while it all starts at home, inside your own mind. The good news is that you can be free, free from the fear that makes every-one out there an enemy, and you can have peace of mind without concerns about how another event or person will cause misery. But the your external reality is a mirror of your own inner truth. If you want to see change in the outer world - it must first be created on the inside.
Deep level Self-Mastery involves more than a pep-talk and soft skills.
A good mindfulness, or Zen practice that helps to focus the mind, and be present in our daily lives is by washing dishes. When the mind slips, either the dishes will remain dirty, or something may fall and break. But if we don’t add enough detergent to the warm water, the dishes themselves will remain full of dirt and sludge. Now what may add to the dilemma is if you got a cut on your hand. Germs may enter the vulnerable wound, even if you mask the hands with gloves. Adding some resources to the process of washing dishes, however, may protect your vulnerability, but soon you will need to manage the factors that may give rise to lack of productivity, or you will experience an absence of growth and spiritual presence, while getting distracted by your pain. Hanson (2008), says that the path your life takes depends on how you manage your challenges, protects that vulnerabilities, and increases your resources for growth. Some of these resources may involve learning how to deal with negative thoughts, and redirecting the thoughtful actions towards the results you want to obtain in life. Finding purpose, or the meaning of your life is not something that will come to you automatically in a world enthused with negativity. Rather, change requires an active engagement with our thoughts, and conscious reflection on what we want to be, do or have, as positive outcomes in life. Fatalistically accepting life as it comes will not get you anywhere, and will only trigger subconscious patterns of non-acceptance and failure. Now only you will know the truth, for you can continue to live in pretence, or you can choose to make a difference in your life.
Here is the real problem we all have to face.
Most people believe that negative situations come from outside themselves, there is always someone to blame. People believe it is either other people, circumstances, or events in the world that have caused negative situations in their lives, and therefore they have the right to be, do or act the way they do. Yet, it is not whether something is good or bad that determines your experience, and the value it will bring to you. It is our thoughts about that situation, experience, person, or event that is the source of the negative experience in your life, and not the actual issue at hand. Understanding a little about the mechanics of the mind will eliminate the strong reaction you may find yourself grappling with when I mention abuse, crime and poverty, drought, natural disasters etc. When we realize that, it is all about the judgements we have and hold in our minds, then distractions disappear that prevented you from acquiring the needed resources that can protect, e.g. a cut in the hand, or broken heart, against germs. The problem is that we get distracted by the things we do not want, and rarely focus on the positive meanings behind any experience in life.
“If you believe it’ll work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you don’t believe it’ll work out, you’ll see obstacles." (Wayne Dyer).
No wonder we battle to creatively manifest what we desire, or ask for in prayer, for example. We are so focused on what we don’t want, or the should-not be pictures, that we are rarely able to hold on to a pleasant thought and experience for longer than a few seconds. But when you hold in mind the things that you don’t want you will struggle to eliminate the things that you do not desire to see, feel, hear, or experience, simply because you are sustaining it with the attention given to it in your creative faculties. But, with the aid of a counsellor and mentor, you can gain control of the mind, only if you are willing. Research has shown that it is significantly more difficult to regain confidence in yourself, society, and trust in the positive outcomes and possibilities for your life, once you have experienced loss. The Transformational Coaching process, however, does not ignore reality, but helps the mind to identify the real challenges in life and not illusion, and then strengthening your resources to cope with vulnerabilities, and enable you to look again at life differently, find purpose, and live meaningfully. I’m so glad there is a way that we can get rid of that draining energy of negativity, and at last enter a life where you and me are free to choose who we want to be, want to do and achieve. And at Meta-Life Coaching, I can help you to get there. Now isn’t that great, is it not?
Here is how we can connect to discuss what matters most.
In a recent post on the International Mental Wellness Society, Sherlock states that when you make choices that don’t move you forward towards wholeness, you’re choosing to remain fractured. Instead of increasing your life-force, you diminish it and choose to remain in a state of crisis, and in defence mode. With this approach to life, the only thing you create is an energetic attitude that says – give me the same, so that I can substantiate my reason to malfunction. Remember, it is not what happens out there to you that matters more than what happen in you, while being resourceful enough to handle yourself. Time to start thinking differently, isn’t it?
You have read this far, then you will now also realize that you have a strong desire to see and experience a shift, or breakthrough in your life, is it not? Now here is my advice, you have one life, now if you are not certain if that dream in your heart, or the way you currently live and work is ideal for you, take the first step. You will never know what is next if you are not prepared to initiate your own journey. And here is my invitation to you, if you’re uncertain about the benefits that Transformational Coaching provides, then book a free introductory session. Send me an email request, and we will explore the situation and how best I can assist you. Don’t wait, book now! maybe you know of someone that is really struggling - then sponsor them, and make a difference, but take action and be the change you want to see in the World!
There are many personal development soft-skills courses available on the Internet. Unfortunately, most offer superficial discussions on popular psychology and self-care, and do not help those who are struggling with their inner-worlds, or who lack in motivation & self-esteem, and want to overcome the pain of rejection. The Coaching-support and courses offered at Meta-Life Coaching, do not only provide information for better understanding of yourself, but endeavour to help you master your inner worlds to “Live your Truth”, with Passion and Purpose. Follow the links to read more about the benefits of Transformational Coaching, and the Ultimate Transformational Certificate Course and deep Personal Mentoring programme available. Be warned, this is not for the feigned-hearted, but for those who truly want to experience a shift and breakthrough in their lives. Meta-Life Coaching, also offers distance education solutions for University students that have not completed their studies, and want to accelerate their career with qualifications that match their work experience. For more information, please visit our training page.
“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.” (Mahatma Gandhi).
The Meta-Life Coaching model takes multiple transformational approaches towards Person-centred Transformative Coaching and Counselling. Whether overcoming personal struggles, reaching goals, or for Spiritual Direction, our training solution can be customized to your need and budget. Different price packages are offered as described on the website (here - Coaching Fees). Special discounts are extended for online long-term engagements in Transformative Coaching and Spiritual Guidance Counselling. And yes by working with me, you will gain clarity and direction for your life, and together we will work on the best strategies to improve, whatever you are working on, or struggling with in your life. Our Coaching, Counselling and training solutions are also available online, through Skype, Google Meet, or Zoom, or as blended distance learning that does not require complicated online platforms to gain the knowledge and the clarity you require directly to your inbox.
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References.
Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness: The new brain science of contentment, calm, and confidence.
US National Science Foundation. New York: Random House.
Hanson, R. (2008). Seven facts about the brain that incline the mind to joy. In measuring the immeasurable: The scientific case for spirituality. Sounds True.
Kinderman, P; Schwannauer, M; Pontin, E; & Tai S. (2013). Psychological processes mediate the impact of familial risk, social circumstances and life events on mental health. PLoS ONE. 2013; 8(10): e76564. Available at, https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0076564
Metz, T. (2020). African theories of meaning in life: A critical assessment. South African Journal of Philosophy, 39:2, 113-126. Available online at DOI: 10.1080/02580136.2020.1770429
Rozin, P. & Royzman, E.B. (2001). Negativity bias, negativity dominance, and contagion. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5:296-320.
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