Will the stories you tell yourself determine your future?
January 2021. Do you want to have the ability to rewrite your own destiny?
Conversations for Transformation.
Do you want to have the ability to rewrite your own destiny?
Why do you do what you do? A question often raised is this: “Martin, how do I make a real, meaningful change and make my life better?” When people talk about wanting to make changes, nothing will happen without any real understanding, or clarity around where they want to go. Some have some idea about where they want to be or what they want to do, but often don’t think they have the support needed to get there. That’s the point where most people give up. So in our discussion, think about what, where and who will you want to be, if you live-out this life-story you are telling and demonstrating to the world. Because, without ever thinking about any destiny, life will only reflect a foolish purpose, without aim, and no meaning for existence. Can you then justify the space you fill on earth, and the activities that you do? And if you have never really considered the direction you are aiming at, then why not start now, and rewrite the story of your life? For it’s not in the stories you speculate about, but in the values that you stand for and the purpose you demonstrate in the actions you take, that history is remade. For the stories we tell ourselves not only determine your future, it directly influences your experience of life as well.
Our motives and motivation for life, and our emotions that fuel and inspire, are all grounded in narrative, the stories we tell ourselves. That’s why we like movies so much. But what if I say to you that you can write your own story about who and what you will and can be. While most people get discouraged with difficult circumstances, their attention is absorbed with concerns about the future, their businesses, their career, their relationships, or their health. Very few people would be inclined to write a script about the best adventure they can imagine, because most people are not inclined to dream about things not there yet. But what if I tell you that the story you are going to write after our conversation, would be about – let’s start at how to evade pandemics, and what to do to prevent falling into a hole in the road, and precautions to take to avoid failure at any task in your life. Give yourself some advice in the same way a young lady would e.g. ask you advise on how to avoid falling pregnant when she starts dating, or how to avoid investing in a house that is falling apart etc. And there you go, building on some experiences you had learning hard lessons in life, you already have the first chapter of your story. Now you don’t even need to know what “success” looks like, but everybody will know what they don’t want to experience in life. Knowing what you want to avoid in life already points you in the direction of the solution you seek.
To navigate to the new story about to unfold in your life, you need to know three things. 1. What is your thinking perception now, we call it your mind-set that is reflected in the world that is manifesting to you right now? If this is good-enough for you, then you will probably resist ever thinking about something better, greater, or bigger for your life. But if not? 2. Ask where what, and who do you really desire to be? 3. And lastly, what kind of thinking orientation (mind-set) will get you there? It is important to think about this using your own standards, not someone else’s. This reflective scenario will help you create a map for your future, and determine what the meanings are for the things you do. So, instead of an aimless journey of hopelessness by exploring the reasons why we do the things we do, it gives you the direction that is needed to plan for your future, and protect you from falling trap to some unsatisfactory activities along the way. Because you want to get to the place, you want to be at, moving from where you are now gives you motivation for some hard tasks and helps you overcome temporary difficult situations at present, and this too shall pass.
The secret to a better life is not to run away from the worst situation you can imagine. You can, however, escape the anxieties and dilemmas, by moving towards the best in you. This is the mind-set that will open greater possibilities in life. And that gives your life purpose, and it gives you something to aim for, whether to avoid pain and pitfalls, or to showcase your capabilities to those who have doubted and questioned your dreams. And it becomes part of your story. So what kind of story are you going to write this year, and the next, and for the next five, or ten years, or what is the vision and dream that you narrate and demonstrate through the actions you take, and way of life. In the history of your life, your story can take on either worst role imagined by focussing on killing all the bad elements out there, which never ends in a good ending. Or you can battle with bad experiences, unless you ignore all the bad vibe distractions and write a new script by focussing on the good things you want to experience and create in this World. What you chose to invest your energy on will determine your destiny.
It is like going on holiday, no-one ever just packs their bags and wander off into the unknown without having put some thought about what the journey would entail, the kind of experiences you would encounter, the kind of dangers to avoid, the kind of exciting things you hope to experience (not the bad ones of-course since you are planning your enjoyable holiday is it not). You cannot go on a road trip without even considering which road you will venture out on, how long you will be on this adventure and how you will sustain your costs, and what space or context you want to find yourself in. So you already have some expectations to play out, which give it an aim, direction, and purpose. But neither can you fill your bag with emergency survival gear while planning the perfect safe route, remember you already gave yourself some advice on how to avoid some pitfalls, have you not? See this as an adventure of the known unknown, and not an unpredicted catastrophe that unfold.
If you live in a place that is not very comfortable, the best way to start is to look, for example, at each room individually, and decide on how you can improve it step by step. So you start by moving a couple of things around and cleaning up a few bits, until the new arrangement and additions make the space more enjoyable. So in the same way you can ask what adjustments you can make in the broader picture, or scheme of things, so that the role you play in your life story reflects the role or kind of person whom you would admire. Well, it starts by adjusting small things first obviously, but having a bigger picture in mind helps you to orientate your thinking, and give you an aim, a purpose to live for. So you start with what you can do, and then configure your effort around the next step, and the next, until it becomes a momentum and motivation that drives you forward. And because you have already thought about those possible difficulties that may appear along the way, you won’t get discourage because you have already pre-planned the strategy to side-step the temporary distraction. The roadmap will also tell you what expertise is needed along the way, and where and how that can be acquired. You need to be serious about this, for then things will fall into place. We call it setting the intention and taking action, so that the Universe can co-conspire with you to make it a reality. What you aim at will determine how the world manifests itself to you. Some people only focus on what they don’t want in life that they sometimes miss the good in the bad, or opportunities and help been given along the way, even through bad experiences, but it helps you to get where you need to be. If your mind is absorbed with a negative focus, then what you aim at will be real. And when uncomfortable, ask whether you are aiming at the right thing, and adjust accordingly – shift your view, change your perspective and your experience of life will shift as well.
We stumble in life because we are naïve, thinking that the bigger scheme of things has better plans in store for me, and I don’t need to work out how to get there. And what if that is just fatalistically ignorant view of your own free will and capacity that we as humans have to write and re-write our own destiny? For if you aim at something, whether it is to experience a great holiday, or have the best life possible, or even how to avoid having a miserable life, then it needs to start by knowing where you are, and where you want to go, and then focus on that. See by being aware of what influences can come along your way will help you to remain focussed, and not get distracted. That is only the beginning. It can also reveal possible alternatives along the way when there is an unforeseen event on the journey. But it will also tell you of possibilities, places you may find worthwhile to tarry longer, and potential limitations, like language barriers, harsh weather conditions, and expensive transport etc., so that you can choose the best path ahead.
So why is it that we take 60 years before we start planning the best years of our lives? And many don’t know how to do career planning, deciding what to study, or even what kind of job will really bring a satisfying career. This lack of resources complicate decision making resorting to doing the expected and literally for some people simply settling at second best. And this is where coaching discussions becomes paramount in helping you, the client, finding the direction you need for a more meaningful life path. If this pattern sounds familiar to you, then I want to offer you a solution. A path where you can learn and apply principles for yourself on how to make the changes you desire. And if you realise now that maybe you need to take a look at how you approach your current life-situation – then you will ask, where do you start? Here is how we discuss things that matter to you.
Conversations for Transformation is an holistic approach to Life-Coaching and Spiritual Guidance Counselling, that combine Strategic Management principles with integrated metaphysical (spiritual) values to help you find the solutions you seek. You can read more about Transformational Coaching on our website at: https://www.metalifecoaching.co.za. If you feel the need, then start creating a better future by making an appointment. I want to invite you to a free introductory conversation about your dilemma and the possibilities for your future. Send me an email at: info@metalifecoaching.co.za. The Meta-Life Coaching model takes multiple transformational approaches towards Person-centred Transformative Coaching and Counselling. And yes by working with your #metalifecoach (Dr Martin Brits), you will gain clarity and direction for your life, and together we will work on the best strategies to improve, whatever you are working on, or resolve the current struggles in your life. During Covid limitations we will remain open to assist, we can meet in person, or online, for short consultations, and long-term engagements. Speak to you soon.
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